In A Fowl Humor...

This, via whumpdotcom, comes from pegkerr. The old "Why did the chicken...?" asked of various denizens of Middle-earth.

Warning:

... Oh, too late.

I decided to try and tell the entire story in chicken-answers. The trick is to keep it to one answer per character.

These are mostly based on the book but the movie (and some other things) slipped in here and there.

Ted Sandyman:
There ain't no chickens in the Eastfarthing. Like as not it was a turkey.

Gandalf:
Many chickens there are who cross the road and wish it not. Can you bring them back? Then do not be too hasty to make this one cross its road.

Frodo:
I wish this chicken had never come to me.

Lobelia Sackville-Baggins:
Across at last!

Gaffer Gamgee:
I don't hold with this crossin' of roads. Tain't natcheral. I can't abide it, not at my age, nossir.

Fox:
How odd! I don't recall seeing a chicken abroad at night and ... Hey, wait, that's a chicken!

Farmer Maggot:
Here chick-chick-chick...

Master Peregrin Took:
For the adventure!

Master Meriadoc Brandybuck:
Out of loyalty to its friend!

Master Fredegar Bolger:
Yeah, what they said!

Tom Bombadil:
Ho, come merry dol, derry dol, my chicken,
fried up nice and brown, fingers we'll be lickin'!

Goldberry:
He is the Chicken. He crosses.

Barrow-wight:
Crisp be skin and moist be flesh...

Butterbur:
Chicken? I seem to remember something about a chicken. And Gandalf. Drat! There, it's gone again.

Strider:
You've gone and put your foot in it. Or should I say your wing?

Midges:
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
(Translation: Mmmm! Chicken! Tasty!)

Troll:
Don't ask me. I got turned into a rock before this book began.

Nazgul #7:
eeeeeeEEEEEeeeeee!
(Translation: To get to Mordor, to Mordor it went.)

Glorfindel:
It must reach Rivendell immediately. As long as it remains here it imperils its friends.

Elrond:
I saw Gil-galad cross his road.

Gloin:
I have never heard that the Dwarves made the chicken cross the road.

Legolas:
I have never heard that the Elves did, either.

Donald Rumsfield:
I have heard no convincing evidence that connects either the Elves or the Dwarves with the chicken.

Bilbo:
The Road goes ever on and on,
and it's too far to go around.

Mt. Caradhras:
Ain't no chicken crossing me!

The Watcher in the Water:
Chicken: Chook-chook, pullet, rooster, hen. See also Barnyard fowl.
(sorry)

Gimli son o' Gloin:
Because nobody tosses a chicken!

Balrog:
Make mine extra-crispy. Now.

Haldir:
Many orcs passed beneath us last night. They will not return. But there was one with three-clawed feet that escaped us...

Galadriel:
Ah! Laissa la-kaina nanaimo liliaukelani
namarie marainara soltuluvien!
(Translation: Ah! Like chickens crossing the road are all the days of our lives!)

Celeborn:
I agree with everything Galadriel says.

Boromir:
The orcs came. I tried to stop them but they were too many. They have taken the chicken. Forgive me, my king.

Orc #824,873,092:
Har har har har ... this will kill yer ... har har har ... ter get ta ther other side! Har har har har!
(slice ... thud ... thunk)
...aaaargh...

Orc #824,873,093:
Fresh meat!

Fangorn:
Sing now of the bird of the barnyard and farm,
How it walks with proud wing on the way from their home,
A coop it is called, to cross from this side
of the rambling road. Its reason to tell
I will gladly begin...

Grima Wormtongue:
My lord, it seeks by crossing to overthrow you...

Saruman:
Ahhhh, chicken, my dear friend, how often I have wished you would cross this little road and come to confer with me!

Smeagol:
Chicken shows us the way, yessss. Good chicken always helpses.

Faramir:
By the laws of Gondor, no chicken may cross the Forbidden Pool.

Shelob:
Hsssssss!
(Translation: That's a pretty tasty looking chicken you got there.)

Theoden King:
It is a day for deeds of mighty crossing. No chicken of worth will wish to stay behind. A crash of cars! Blood and feathers! This chicken's end will be a matter for song! Forth the chickens!

Ghan-Buri-Ghan:
Chicken here. Then chicken there. Chicken good chicken.

Denethor:
Chicken, you come too late for crossings. We shall all burn.

Mumak #4:
Haaawwwnk!
(Translation: Damn, I got squished chicken between my toes.)

The Witch-King:
It has been prophesied - No chicken born may slay me.

Eowyn:
This chicken was not born - it hatched!

Eomer:
Did I not say to you that this chicken would meet us in battle?

Samwise:
I said I'd get this chicken across the road if I had to carry it on my back!

Gollum:
My chicken! My chicken! My chicken! Oh my chicken! My chick-- Oh, shit.